Internal Family Systems Therapy
in Orange County
Create harmony within yourself
What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Have you ever noticed how you can feel pulled in different directions inside yourself? Maybe there's a part of you that wants to take risks while another part holds you back out of fear. Or perhaps you have an inner voice that's incredibly critical, even when you know you deserve kindness.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy recognizes that we all have different "parts" of ourselves - and that's completely normal and healthy. The challenge comes when these parts are working against each other or when some parts have taken on jobs that are too big for them to handle well.
Through IFS therapy for self-doubt, we'll get curious about these different parts of you. We'll understand why your inner critic developed (hint: it was trying to protect you) and help it find a better way to do its job. Healing childhood trauma with parts work allows us to reach the younger parts of you that are still carrying old pain and help them feel safe in the present.
IFS therapy for perfectionism and shame is particularly powerful because instead of trying to eliminate these feelings, we understand them. We help the perfectionist part relax knowing that your core Self - the wise, compassionate leader within you - is capable of making good decisions without everything having to be perfect.
The beautiful thing about IFS is that no part of you is broken or bad. Every part developed for good reasons. Our work together helps all your parts feel understood, valued, and able to work in harmony rather than conflict.
Internal Family Systems (IFS), sometimes called parts work, recognizes there is a “multiplicity of mind” within all of us. In IFS, this inner power struggle is an indicator that parts of yourself that are working from very different strategies. In IFS, we turn our attention inside to connect with these parts and identify what they are trying to accomplish for us. We start to understand there is a family of parts inside us and, just like in our families, everyone fills a role.
No part is really bad. In fact, your parts have your best interest at heart! These parts are doing what they can to protect our core Self, which is our most authentic, values-aligned identity. Self is designed to fill the roll of parent while parts are like children. We have all seen how chaotic is can be when children are allowed to run a family. They don't have the foresight and broad perspective for that to work well, and that's true on the inside too.
Parts take over trying to solve for the one issue they find most concerning. Many parts formed during childhood to help us cope with overwhelming experiences. They adopted a plan with limited scope that may not be serving you well in the present and continue to double down even when the results aren’t ideal because they are afraid of what will happen if they don’t do the only thing they know how to. Healing childhood trauma with parts work allows us to understand how these early protective strategies developed and help them evolve to match your adult wisdom and resources.
Making Room for All Parts
By working with your parts, we help them to learn more effective strategies, to work together instead of against each other, and to rely on your highest Self to create more inner harmony. We want to empower parts to do what they are best at while relieving them of roles that are too big or stressful for them to do well. Imagine every part has its own instrument but only knows how to play one note and no one can agree on the song. There's lot of noise but not much clarity. When you show up as the conductor with a clearer vision, beautiful music becomes possible.
IFS allows us to integrate logic and emotions to create balance and harmony. We focus on strengthening your inherent Self energy that is best suited to inner leadership. When Self is in charge, parts are freed up to focus on the jobs that they are best suited for and they feel more appreciated. When there is trust between parts, there is less inner tension and turmoil. Rather than one part overreacting and hijacking the bus, Self considers the input and needs of all parts to make intentional, empowered choices.
Reactions are evidence of parts driving the bus, while choices aligned with our goals and values are evidence of Self.
How IFS Works
Identifying and Understanding Parts
In the beginning, I will guide you through a form of guided meditation to connect with your parts. A key part of this process is being able to recognize when we are operating in Self or a part's energy.
We create awareness by noticing what is happening emotionally & somatically
in the body and increase connection between physical and emotional awareness.
It is important that we are clear about what each part's goal and strategies are, as well as their fears. It is much easier for them to relax and accept our help once they feel understood and valued.
Strengthening Self Leadership
Self energy is characterized by the 8 C's: caring, connectedness, curiosity, compassion, creativity, clarity,
courage and confidence.
It's common that some parts have become more dominant and easily "blend," or take over, where Self would ideally operate as leader. It takes time to build trust so that parts can relax
and rely on Self to lead.
Self leads from a place of nurturing, kind guidance. It does not want to force parts into compliance but rather encourage them into cooperation. This is accomplished through parts feeling safe.
Helping Parts Evolve
When parts know better, they quite happily embrace changing how they approach their jobs. You have more resources and options now than you did when the part created their role.
A central aspect of IFS involves healing wounded inner child parts that are holding onto painful memories. These vulnerable parts often remain frozen in time, carrying the emotions and beliefs formed during difficult childhood experiences. Through healing wounded inner child parts with IFS, Self can give these parts the safety and nurturing they needed then, but didn't receive, allowing them to finally rest and heal.
IFS therapy can help you...
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Break free from old patterns
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Create self trust and inner peace
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Feel more compassionate understanding for yourself and others
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Discover a sense of empowerment
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Feel safe and secure in a way you may never have experienced before
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Make confident decisions
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Release the grip of perfectionism and shame that keeps you stuck in cycles of self-criticism
Be the inner leader you were meant to be.
Are multiple parts the same as multiple personalities?
Having multiple parts is not the same as having multiple personalities. Multiple parts, or multiplicity of mind, is common to everyone and a healthy, typical state. The goal of our work is to create cooperation and harmony between parts.
Dissociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality disorder) is the result of extreme trauma where parts become so compartmentalized they are completely unaware of the others (alters). The treatment for DID works to integrate alters together. It can include IFS but requires an experienced specialist in DID, which is beyond my scope of practice.
Who is my Self?
Self is distinct from parts. We are born with our Self in place and parts emerge over the passage of time. Parts are working to protect Self from being damaged by scary, overwhelming or painful experiences when Self was too young and vulnerable to lead.
Sometimes, they do their jobs so routinely that they end up taking over for Self or "blending." But these jobs get bigger and harder to manage as we grow up and these parts are stuck in time.Ultimately, parts are Self's allies and everything runs smoother when Self drives the bus and parts are passengers who make observations and raise needs or concerns about the landscape of life's experiences.
Self may be out of practice leading and some parts may be afraid to let go of the wheel so we help them find a new partnership.We know when we are in Self energy when the 8 C's are present: clarity, compassion, curiosity, creativity, connectedness, calmnesss, confidence and courage.
How do I get rid of difficult or problematic parts?
Our goal is not to eliminate parts. While some parts go about their jobs in ways that are problematic or even hurtful, no part is bad. We want to help parts shift their strategies so they are more effective and less harmful. They are operating from maps that are outdated, which usually makes their jobs harder and more overwhelming. Parts don’t object to change once they realize change is safe and possible.
Parts are like young children trying to manage adult responsibilities. Self was built for that, not your parts. They haven’t realized they can shift from being in charge to being an assistant. They really like that, once they understand Self is older, wiser and has better resources than they do. Then parts evolve, embracing slightly different roles or doing their job in a way that feels much better for you and them.
Sometimes when parts are having a really hard time letting go of old stories and expectations, we can use Brainpotting to help them make meaningful shifts. Learn more about Brainspotting here.
Take the first step towards healing.
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Initial Discussion
I will contact you to discuss your goals for therapy and get a sense of how we would work together.
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Begin to heal
We will meet weekly to get established and then determine what frequency will best serve your needs.